He was there.

I was swinging. He was standing apart from me, getting further and further. The scene itself was beautiful though. The beach was empty and the waves crashed and there was this swing with a peice of wood as the seat which appeared to be draft wood. It was all so perfect so romantic-looking. The realism, the actuality of it all was heartbreaking. Years spent together, in love, in romance. The slow dances to acoustics of our favorite songs and pitiful inside jokes. The new experiences for us both, the journeys we went on, the places we discovered. Our hideways, our secret places and "spots"; the places we kissed, and cried and even yelled. They were all racing through my mind at a million miles a minute. I looked over my shoulder with blurry eyes. I instictively was worried about my makeup running, but then remembered that it was all gone. Everything was gone. MY everything. he was gone, i could chase and chase but he was distant and I couldn't catch him. I was a little kid, ignorant and inspired, trying to catch a butterfly. I thought he was there, standing, maybe 15 feet away. But I couldn't grab him if i tried. He was gone, and I was just trying to survive. I was swinging, pretending I wasn't going to go crazy.

I was swinging
The waves were crashing
the clouds billowed in
he was standing in front of me
he was there

My mind was racing
the memories vibrant and neon
slapping me in the face
so i wouldn't forget
that he was there

all the years and inside jokes
the hideways and secret places
the arguments where we yelled
the places we fell in love
where he was there

my tears down my face
salty like the ocean
in front of me, blurry
was his figure in the distance
he was there

I took a breath
and tried to not believe
that my everything
was gone. he wasn't gone.
he was there.

The parents were coming
patting me, crying too
apologizing like crazy
i didn't tell them. 
They said he was gone.
But i knew that he was there.